70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize