His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
