well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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