people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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