I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
