i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
