This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
