so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
