I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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