Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
