as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
