The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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