Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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