oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
