Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
