he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
