Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
