So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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