i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
