textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
