yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
