Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Even my vagina gasped.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
