Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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