Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
