it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I touched a dick in church today
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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