She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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