The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
