dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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