I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
