Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
