I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're making bets on your personal life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize