Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
