ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
