Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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