Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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