dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
