I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
