He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize