Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
