i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
