p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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