he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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