oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize