I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just tell him i said nine months
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
