Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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