i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize