and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just pee around me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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