As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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