I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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