If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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