Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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