It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know her cup size but not her name....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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