we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
