Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize