apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
