I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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