Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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