oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
