am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
