8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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