i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
