I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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