theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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