Will you blow on my dice?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
