If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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