How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
