Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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